Standing Your Ground: The High Road Isn’t Always the Best Path

Estimated reading time: 6 minutes

We’ve all been there. Someone says or does something rude, unfair, or downright wrong, and we’re faced with a choice: Do we confront it head-on, or do we rise above it and “take the high road”? Most of us are taught that the high road—keeping our cool, avoiding conflict, and walking away—is the noble, mature choice. And sure, it often is.

But here’s the truth: taking the high road isn’t always the best solution. In fact, it can sometimes backfire, leaving you feeling drained, resentful, or trapped in a cycle of tolerating bad behavior. Let’s dive into why always choosing the high road might not be as virtuous—or effective—as it’s made out to be.

What Does It Mean to Take the High Road?

Taking the high road usually means acting with grace and composure instead of reacting emotionally. It’s walking away instead of arguing, forgiving instead of holding a grudge, or staying calm even when someone’s being unreasonable. Or a complete ass.

Don’t get me wrong—it’s a great approach in many situations. It can help you avoid pointless drama, preserve relationships, and show you’re the bigger person. But when it becomes your default reaction to every problem, it can have some serious downsides.

The Downsides of Always Taking the High Road

It’s Exhausting

Let’s be honest: staying calm and composed when someone’s pushing your buttons can be draining. You’re essentially stuffing your emotions into a little box, hoping they’ll disappear. Spoiler alert—they don’t.

Maybe it’s your coworker taking credit for your ideas. Or someone who keeps making passive-aggressive comments. Each time, you let it slide because you don’t want to cause a scene. But after a while, that emotional suppression starts to weigh you down. You’re left carrying resentment and frustration while the other person moves happily along like nothing happened.

It Lets People Off the Hook

Here’s the thing: if you’re always the one to let things go, the other person never has to deal with the consequences of their actions. By staying silent or walking away, you might be sending the message that their behavior is okay—or at least that you’re okay with it.

Think about it. If someone constantly interrupts you in meetings and you never call them out, what’s stopping them from continuing? Worse, they might start interrupting others too, spreading their toxic behavior. Taking the high road can sometimes enable bad behavior.

Ideally, you want to be a fixer, not an enabler.

You Put Yourself Last

Taking the high road often means prioritizing someone else’s feelings or comfort over your own. While that might seem selfless, it can quickly turn into self-sacrifice.

Imagine you’re in an online (or even a family) argument, and instead of standing up for yourself, you keep quiet to avoid making waves. Sure, you keep the peace for now, but what about you? If you’re always swallowing your feelings, your needs, boundaries, and self-respect can end up on the back burner. This isn’t healthy, physically or emotionally.

It Stops You from Growing

Conflict isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes, it’s precisely what you need to clear the air, resolve misunderstandings, and strengthen relationships. When you constantly avoid conflict by taking the high road, you might miss out on opportunities for growth—for both you and the other person.

For example, a tough conversation with a friend about something bothering you could lead to a deeper, more honest relationship. But if you avoid that conversation and keep pretending everything’s fine, you’re stuck in a surface-level dynamic that never really feels satisfying.

It Can Make You Feel Inauthentic

If you’re always playing it cool and keeping quiet when things bother you, it’s easy to lose touch with your true feelings. You start to feel like you’re wearing a mask—acting like everything’s fine when, deep down, it’s not.

Over time, that disconnect between your outward actions and inner emotions can make you feel invisible, like your real self doesn’t even matter. That’s not a great place to be.

It Creates One-Sided Relationships

When you’re always the one taking the high road, guess what happens? People start expecting you to be the bigger person every time. Suddenly, it’s your job to keep the peace, avoid drama, and smooth things over—while everyone else gets a free pass to act however they want.

This imbalance can lead to resentment. Relationships—whether with friends, customers, random people online, or coworkers—should be give-and-take, not one person constantly compromising to make things work.

When Taking the High Road Doesn’t Work

So, when shouldn’t you take the high road? Here are a few situations where it’s better to stand your ground:

• When Boundaries Are Crossed: If someone repeatedly disrespects your boundaries, letting it slide only teaches them it’s okay.
• When It Harms Your Well-Being: If staying silent or disengaging makes you feel worse, it’s not worth it.
• When Accountability Is Needed: Sometimes, people need to be called out—gently but firmly—to recognize and correct their behavior.
• When Avoiding Conflict Prevents Growth: Honest conversations, even difficult ones, are often necessary to improve relationships and solve problems.

How to Strike a Balance

The key is figuring out when to take the high road and when to take a more practical path and speak up. It’s not about choosing one approach over the other—it’s about using both thoughtfully. Here’s what can help:

Speak Up with Confidence

Standing up for yourself doesn’t mean being rude or aggressive. You can address issues calmly and assertively. For example, if someone posts a hurtful comment online, you could reply, “I felt that comment was a bit unfair. Can we discuss this respectfully to clarify any misunderstandings?”

Pro tip: This is also a great opportunity to take an online discussion offline, which is a powerful tactic. “This discussion is headed down the wrong path. How about we take this discussion offline? You can call me at….”

This works well for a couple of reasons: 1) it shows observers you’re addressing it, not ignoring/running away; and 2) most of the time, the commenter doesn’t have the fortitude to proceed “in real life,” and they go away. If they do actually contact you, the result is often a better mutual understanding.

Set Boundaries

Boundaries are crucial. If someone crosses a line, let them know. Back in my Zillow days there was one thing that always tripped my trigger—people demeaning our customers. That was something I couldn’t (and shouldn’t) let slide.

I could, and often wanted to, take the low road with, “Listen, asshole, leave our customers out of this.”

Instead my response was almost always along the line of, “Look, you can say whatever you want about me or my company. But leave our customers out of this discussion.” Even the most hardened hater (almost) always would.

Walk Away When It’s Healthy

Sometimes, the high road is the right choice—like when someone’s clearly trying to provoke you. Choosing not to engage can be a powerful way to protect your peace, your blood pressure, and not waste your time.

Take Care of Yourself

Putting yourself first isn’t selfish; it’s necessary. Make decisions that prioritize your emotional and mental health.

Final Thoughts

Taking the high road can be a great choice, but it’s not always the best one. Sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is stand up for yourself, speak your truth, and demand the respect you deserve.

The trick is finding the balance—knowing when to rise above and when to dig in and fight for what matters. Because at the end of the day, the high road should feel empowering, not draining. If it doesn’t, it’s okay to take a different path. After all, your well-being is just as important as anyone else’s.

You might also like:

• The High Road Has Exits—Take Them When Needed
• The Benefits of Choosing the High Road in Life
• Sometimes the High Road is Only Two Words Away